Thursday, June 25, 2009

My Naked Truth Continues......

No…the reason I’ve been slacking in keeping my blog current is not because Lucas has arrived, I’m just procrastinating really bad. I’m happy to be back and promise dear blog to be better at writing more often….at least before the little guy arrives. It’s three more weeks and counting, and based on my last doctor’s appointment, Lucas is in position but still pretty high – so it means that he could be on time or 2 weeks late.

So where did I leave off….oh yes, Belly Laughs – here are a few additional chapters I’d like to hi-light in her book to continue sharing my journey with you...

Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a Little Cottage Cheese?...Oh, and Throw a Few Fish Sticks on There! (Cravings)

This is one of the many things that I haven’t really experienced being pregnant. Mainly I’ve been craving fruit and sweets….so I can’t say I’ve had weird cravings in the middle of the night. My husband is forever grateful that was the case. I guess he expected 2 am runs to Dunkin Donuts.

Where in the Hell Can I Find a Muumuu? (Nothing to Wear)
See blog post on Destination Maternity Rocks!

Freddy Krueger Ain't Got Nothing on Me! (Dreams)

Dreams are a series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. So I guess I don’t think or feel much when I’m sleeping….because I never remember what the heck I dreamt about the night before. However, I do remember one really strange dream I had when I was about 7 months pregnant and boy was it weird!

I know you’re dying to know, so hear it goes…Aliens where coming to earth and destroying every person in their path. Bodies were being turned to dust. All of the sudden I see twin fetuses under a tree, and I soon realized they were in danger as well. I quickly grabbed a hold of them, put them in my womb and asked Lucas to make room for them. I was able to escape the aliens, and once I felt they were safe to come out, I pulled the fetuses out of my uterus and gave them back to their rightful owner. Fortunately, Lucas was comfortable staying in the womb and had no intention of leaving anytime soon. Weeirrrrdddd!!!!!!!

Hi, Porn Star! (Engorged Breasts)

What can I say…this is by far one of the best things to happen to women who have always been insecure about their small breasts or women who look up to Pamela Anderson solely for her most important asset. I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve been blessed with an amazing buttocks (so my husband tells me), but I’d be lying if I told you that I’ve never thought of getting a boob job – and certainly after living in Los Angeles (a.k.a. silicone valley) for 5 years. But right after I got pregnant….BAMM. Boy was I was happy to meet them! The only bad part about it is that you don’t exactly picture having beautiful porn star breasts while carrying 45 extra lbs. Not that sexy, but you can’t have it all right?

It's a Bird! It's a Plane!...No, It's a Really Swollen Pregnant Lady! (Water Retention)

About 2 weeks ago I really started to notice that I no longer had ankles. Just when you’re beginning to accept the fact that there is no easy way to shave without seeing past your belly button, the “cankles” arrive. Yes ladies, that’s right… “cankles” (your calves & ankles merge into one). A word my 14 year old brother has taught me recently. He clearly didn’t think about how sensitive a pregnant woman is at 34 weeks.

I haven’t seen my ankles in over 2 weeks, and it’s a painful sight because nothing you wear looks sexy with “cankles”, a huge bowling ball, swollen feet, 45 extra lbs & an ass the size of Texas!

Die, Model Bitch, Die! (Hating Skinny People)

Clearly you’d understand why the nastiness if you read my previous chapter!

OOOOH! I Think I Felt the Baby Move...or Maybe It's Just Gas (Baby Kicks)

I take it back….the porn star breasts are not the best thing that happens during your pregnancy, it’s when you feel your baby move for the first time and know for sure it’s not gas. I must have been exactly 20 weeks and a few days pregnant when I felt little fluttering movements in my belly. It’s absolutely amazing, and as time progresses you really feel the little sucker throw some heavy punches and Ronaldinho kicks. I have to admit that I began to really bond with Lucas the moment I felt him move inside me. I know that they’d probably disagree, especially after reading the rest of my journey, but I do feel sorry that men cannot experience what a woman feels when her unborn child shows signs of life inside of her. Truly surreal!

Organizing Freak (Your Nesting Instinct)

My recommendation to all of you beautiful smart pregnant women reading this is DON’T plan to move when you’re more than 20 weeks pregnant. I don’t know what I was thinking, but we decided to move when I was nearly 7.5 months pregnant. Talk about my stupid nesting instinct! I got really sick after the move, and I’m certain that the stress had something to do with it. Despite all this, even if you’re barely able to move and bend at 8 months pregnant, and I never thought I’d say this, preparing the baby’s room for his arrival is more fun that a spring break trip with your girls to South Beach. I’m serious – but that nesting instinct is a pretty crazy feeling when it kicks in.

I Just Need to Lie Down for, Like, Five Minutes...Okay, Maybe Three Months (Sleepiness)

I’ve always assumed that pregnant ladies who complain about being exhausted and out of breath towards the last stretch of their pregnancy, where big babies and probably never hit the gym a day in their lives. I have no problem telling you that now, at 36 weeks pregnant, there is nothing else I’d rather do than sleep and veg-out on the couch watching reality TV. It gets pretty hard towards the end, and while you want your beautiful baby to come out when he’s ready, you can’t help but think of ways to help speed up the freaking process BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Stay tuned for coverage on The Moment of Truth (Labor and Delivery) & Let Me Repeat (Husband No-No's).. I’ll probably have a ton to report when Lucas arrives.


  1. Hey girl! It's Lara from Paine. I've been thinking of you and your beautiful belly. I love your blog! I'm right there with you; I can't wait for Lucas to arrive. It's such a pleasure to follow in your blog. Hugs

  2. Just popping in to say hi and I hope your next 3 or so weeks are comfortable. I can't wait to see baby pictures!

    P.S. I love that picture of you in the cowboy hat at 26 weeks. Absolutely Adorable!

  3. Hi -- blog hopping from MBC and found you! Great book -- funny and so true!

    Dee :D

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  5. Thanks ladies. So exciting to share the journey with you all. Can't wait to share pics.